All posts tagged Uncategorized

10 Reasons Why Cape Town can Fuck Off!

The following is the original “10 Reasons Cape Town can Fuck Off” piece. I wrote it under my pseudonym Haai van der Schyff in 1998 for Skyf!! magazine, a Port Elizabeth scene ‘zine I published for a while. The piece was meant to satirise the whole trend of leaving your […]

Faster than the speed of David Kotze!

Dawid Kotze was the fastest sprinter at Laerskool Lorraine. Yooss, he was rapid! In the inter-house athletics gala, he would beat me in the 100 metres by about 40 metres. That’s why he jolled wing and I jolled hooker. When Kotze gave it flat box, he made this “sss-sss-sss” sound, […]

Me and Dad save the day in the ’81 floods

At the moment rain is bollocking down over Jo’burg, from where I write this column. A glance out the window show Randburg wreathed in grey, with a black lump of a cloud depositing lashings of rain on that wretched suburb. But no suburb has been spared. I don’t think I’ve […]

A prophesy that took a while to come through

As a young boy of four years old, I remember getting my first lesson in African history from my mother, who was born and raised in the Transkei. Why, I had asked her, do black people all have to work for white people? It’s because, my mom explained to me, […]

Windfalls and what they do to you

It was a Saturday arvie when it happened. A Saturday arvie in the Fence parking lot at Kings Beach. It was during our first holiday back from varsity – my best mate was at UCT and I was at Rhodes.The wind was blowing homping west and it was on of […]

The near-death of a potplant

It was the wild Nineties and we weren’t really on top of things. Priorities ran to getting to know the hottest girls in town, ensuring we could get in free at any given nightspot, and catching the Fence every time it was on. Thanks to our friendly demeanour and our […]