Archive for January 2012

Key Issues

Keys are important.Keys keep us safe.Keys bind us together.Keys mean we’re afraid.Keys mean “I love you”.Keys get lost in the laundry.Keys get locked in the car.Keys mean you’re 21, which means you’re grown up, for some reason, but at least they’re easier than having your foreskin chopped off.Keys make a […]

Buying umbhaco for Baby

Baby’s colleague Tumi was getting married and we had cracked the nod. It was to be a township wedding at Tumi’s home in Refilwe, outside Cullinan. “Dress: traditional,” it said on the invitation.              The night before the wedding, Baby said we’d have to swing by her friend’s house the […]

Marrying Black Girls For Guys Who Aren’t Black

Are you a guy? And you’re not black? And you dig black girls? Not just to look at their asses from a distance, but actually to talk to them and ultimately try pomp them? And then actually pomp them and start going out in public together and stand in the […]

Lisa Nicole Carson

This pic of Lisa Nicole Carson

When I lived in a digs called the Zoompf in Port Elizabeth, South Africa,  my sole design solution was buying imported magazines by the kilogram, then tearing them apart and prestikking the pages to my walls. I spent several years living there, so most of the images have been seared […]

Asses Of The Caribbean

…or, as it should be titled, “Men Who Ream Donkeys.” It’s a fascinating sociological analysis by those geniuses at Vice magazine, of a custom followed outside Cartagegna on the north coast of Colombia. Apparently over there, teenage boys often have their first sexual experience with a donkey. They believe it […]

Inspector Ras – Welcome To My Car

The latest manifestation of my new cover versions pluck. This is one by South African rock music icon Bernoldus Niemand aka James Phillips. Recorded in my car, naturally, on the humidest day of the year.  Schwitzing like a rapist, then, as I strummed this one to glory…

She’s Lost Control vs She’s Lost Control

Joy Division remain one of my favourite bands of all time. They helped invent alternative rock, and were among the first groups to fuse electronic and rock music. Singer Ian Curtis tragically topped himself in 1980, just as they had their first international hit with Love Will Tear Us Apart. […]

Table Mountain wingsuit flight

A crew called Molde Base hopping off Cape Town’s table mountain. Lovely stuff. Just wonder why they mostly feature the rear view. This is a transcendental form of extremism. Nuff respect and all that. I’ll leave the okes to it.